Famously, the 20th of April (affectionately known as 4/20) is National Cold Brew Day. Nothing else is imbibed or celebrated today; certainly not marijuana and definitely not Hitler’s birthday. So before you honk on a J-bird or blow your brains out in a bunker, have a swig of refreshing cold brew.

I’ve done a little comic with my Portland pals Stumptown to celebrate this auspicious day. I love a black coffee, hot or indeed cold-brewed, but it’s not without it’s side effects. Here’s an exclusive look at a joke Stumptown politely rejected.

Speaking of rejected jokes - if you haven’t been following along, I’m crowdfunding the first ever official collection of my comics, a compendium of my best stuff from the last 10 years. It’s called “Weird Hill To Die On” and the campaign is with my friends Zoop, a cool, comic-centric platform.

We hit our $5k funding goal within an hour of going live (thanks to everyone who contributed!), and then quickly doubled that to $10k, expanding the book another 8 pages. But now with a week left in the campaign, I’m pushing for $15k. That additional $5k is incentive enough for me to add a series of jokes that even I know I shouldn’t publish, so they are completely unseen and quite near the knuckle.

If that sounds interesting to you, dear reader, please check out Zoop.GG/C/LukeMcGarry and consider making a contribution! There’s also some rare original art that you can claim as a bonus add on!

7:42pm Well, that’s it from me. Thank you for reading along.

7:35pm One Battle After Another

7:28pm What was that??

7:25pm Will Smith mentioned.

7:22pm Regarding Michael B Jordan, wakka wakka!

7:14pm Lionel Ritchie. I don’t get it. What is it with old guys saying bizarre stuff at these things?

6:57pm Just picturing them forcing Martin Scorcese et al to wave glowsticks during the K-Pop Demon Hunters performance.

6:50pm Successfully keeping this within the bounds of good taste :)

6:38pm The President of the Academy is speaking, time for some housekeeping! It was funny when the Sound mixing lady had to get her piece of paper out in order to remember the words “Grandchildren” though.

6:33pm Just seems a little funny, right?

6:18pm Best Documentary Short, you know he thought about it.

6:13pm Okay here’s the Pedro Pascal Sigourney Weaver thing I was trying to post for the last 10 minutes.

6:11pm Josh Gad’s revenge; Substack is saying there are network issues and won’t let me upload anything???

5:58pm Barbra Streisand

5:51pm Probably gonna get yelled at for this one.

5:42pm The commercials are working on me!

5:35pm This bit is falling flat!

5:20pm Sean Penn walking up to accept his award (Imagine how hard this joke would have hit if Sean Penn had been there to accept his award.)

5:15pm Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango.

5:05pm First ever award for Best Casting Director. I don’t want to be too snarky, but I feel like I could have done this.

5:01pm Marty Supreme mentioned. Will bring this back if it wins anything.

4:53pm Stopped to make toast. Missed something.

Update, it was Frankenstein so who cares?

4:48pm Incredible news, I have won an award for Best Engraving Up To 40 Characters during the commercials.

4:44pm Imagine Barry Keoghan stepping out to use the toilet during the Sinners musical perfromance and not being allowed back in. (Vampire)

4:38pm Best animated short — thank you I’ll literally be here all night.

4:33 pm K-Pop Demon Hunters won which is cool but nothing funny is happening and I’m hungry. This is off to a great start.

4:29pm You learn something new every day.

4:11 pm We’re off to a great start, it’s been a while since I’ve used Substack so I can’t rememebr how to do it. Luckily it’s just the monologue, you can’t make jokes about jokes

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ZOOP CAMPAIGN!

I think this guy ghoulishly manages to center himself in every celebrity’s death by posting tributes, often before the news sites do, to any famous person he’s managed to grab a selfie with. That’s my hot take! Admittedly he probably does know some of them, but not well enough to mourn their passing privately for even 10 seconds. I suspect he has everyone’s obituary saved in the drafts on his phone just in case. I’ve even heard he rushes to post so that he will be included in the celebrity tribute round ups, and sure enough he always is. People got mad at me on social media for saying this, but I took my post down for other, mysterious reasons. Haha. Welcome back to Substack, Luke!

I did a cartoon about a band I like, Fontaines D.C., who sound cool but look like twats. It has escaped the containment zone of my usual Instagram followers and now I’m getting shit off people with no sense of humor and the bass player “Deego” as their profile picture.

To get the yoots off my back, I took a joke suggestion from my brother Joe, which I found very funny but everyone else seems less than impressed by.

In the new CSI, you don’t dial 911 you dial 67.

Speaking of CSI spin-offs, I’m in Las Vegas for DesignerCon. If you’re around this weekend, come!

There’s nothing here that I can say better than Kurt Vonnegut already put it in Breakfast of Champions.

I think this is an excellent joke. The internet seemingly disagrees with me. I was so excited about it that I called my brother and relayed it to him after I penciled it out. I suppose like all great artists I am simply unappreciated in my own time. I can’t wait for the world to catch up with me.

I’m sure I’ve posted this joke before, this past spring — the last time the Mercury dipped below 75° here in LA. So, as this is possibly a repeat; my fiancée, the inimitable Jillian Bell has asked that she be able to compose my Substack entry this evening, so here we go.

“You ever see a guy walking around with gloves on, and it just pisses you the fuck off? Well that was me today, Luke Edward McGarry. Of course, part of me wishes I had gloves on, when I had to take my dog for a second shit tonight. And by second shit I mean him pacing around a person’s front yard for 20 minutes, resulting in zero shits.

Unrelated, I do wonder sometimes if Michael Jackson was just cold. I think he wasn’t, because if he was, he would have warn wool gloves, and not sparkly ones. Those can’t provide much warmth. I wonder if he ever had to take his dog for shits? I bet he had someone to do that for him. But still, did that person have to wear gloves too? And were they the wool kind, or the sparkly kind?

These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.”

Here’s a joke about Bonfire Night, or Guy Fawkes Day, or Fireworks Night, or Gunpowder Treason Day that kinda works. Politically I’m not sure how we’re meant to feel about Guido Fawkes in 2025, or whether anyone even cares anymore now that Halloween is popular, but I do miss being in the UK waving sparklers around and eating sticky toffee pudding.

Firstly, it’s election night in America. The results are good but it’s always better because I get to post this remarkably niche joke. This isn’t for anybody except the bullseye of my target demographic; so if this really speaks to you… 🤝

Secondly, I’m gonna be at DesignerCon in Las Vegas next weekend. DCon is great because they serve booze on the convention floor. Come say hello at booth 1925 if you’re around! I don’t do designer toys but I will have some new tote bags!

Thirdly, holiday commissions are open and available on my site. An annual tradition of which I would love you to partake!

A rare 5 panel’r for the start of November - that awkward transition from Halloween Pumpkins to Christmas Pumpkins.

I’ve long since given up on carving pumpkins; it’s messy and I’m bad at it. But I do enjoy painting them. This year I did an Ed Sheeran one because he’s little and orange and misshapen.

Years past have seen a Rizzler squash and a Texorcist gourd.

However, it is time to put the ways of Halloween behind us and focus on what you’re getting me for Christmas.

But I’m back now, Halloween is over, I’m another year older — I’m wiser and ready to resume whatever it is I was doing on here.

Maybe I’ll even recap some of this stuff I was up to on my month long sabbatical? Where’s the best Irish pub in Copenhagen? Whats Danish for “gluten free”? Check back in to find out!

In the meantime, here’s a cartoon about how it’s November.

Oh and to tie the title of this post back in to current affairs, my new Morrissey comic came out at NYCC and sold out immediately, but it’s restocked on my site if you’re interested! Ok! Talk to you tomorrow!

I’m in Denmark and it’s October now and there’s a new IT tv show coming to HBO and the poster looks like it might be AI and…

Phew. Yesterday was a day of exploring the beautiful city of Copenhagen… mainly because I had to check out of my hotel at 11am and wouldn’t arrive at my new hotel in Aarhus until 11pm… meaning I had to go without basic human comforts for 12 hours. It’s been longer than I would care to admit since I’ve had a glass of water. The highlights so far include:

Sulking outside the city’s oldest bakery, Sankt Peder’s Bageri (anno 1652!) because I’m sensitive to gluten and they don’t have anything for me (I get hives, not diarrhea, don’t worry).

Stood outside the Rundetårn, the 17th century observatory that has a spiraling horse ramp instead of stairs and one of those medieval toilets that’s just a seat at the top of a massive shaft. Handy if you have diarrhea (which I don’t!!!)

Finally, I’m not over the Danish use of the word “fart” yet. (There is a lot of intestinal distress being alluded to in this post… it almost feels like the Lukey doth protest too much. I swear I just get hives.)

I’m exploring Aarhus today and then it’s Art Bubble Festival all weekend. Come say hello if you’re around!

I’m packing for 14 days on the road, and tomorrow afternoon I’ll be winging my way to Aarhus, Denmark, by way of London and then Copenhagen, as a featured guest Art Bubble festival. Then I’ll be slingshotting back to NYC for New York Comic Con. I haven’t shit my pants since a dog chased up a slide when I was 4, but any time I leave town I pack like I’m GG Allin.

If you’re a resident of Fear City or The City of Smiles, you should come see me! Here are my schedules.

For Halloween this year (which starts today!!), I’ve done a portrait series featuring my favorite horror characters from the past two Halloweens - I consider this Horror Season 24-25. These are all available as t-shirts and prints, etc, in my webshop.

Overall, my favourite horror film was 28 Years Later - see Sir Jimmy Crystal, bottom right - but I really like my version of Hugh Grant in Heretic. I think that could work perennially as just a nice picture of Hugh Grant.

If you haven’t seen all of these films, get to it! Except you can probably skip Nosferatu if we’re being honest. And Terrifier 3. And probably Longlegs. There you go, 6 films with 6 weeks to go until Halloween. That’s your viewing pleasure sorted.

If you aren’t sure, from left to right above we have: Nosferatu, Weapons, Cuckoo, The Substance, Longlegs, Terrifier 3, Bring Her Back, 28 Years Later.

It’s International Talk Like A Pirate Day and this is the type of stuff I’m drawing because nothing else is happening in the world.

Here’s a flyer I did for the 21st anniversary of Club Leisure up in San Francisco. That’s fun and nice! Their fingers spell out “21” which was an idea I nicked from my brother Joe.

Other than that, it’s at the Cat Club, so instead of a golden bear on the license I drew a cat’s butthole.

Attention to detail is what keeps clients coming back for more!

I don’t have a good reason for making this joke. I will say, and this is not a sponsored post, that Goop does make a mean gluten-free pepperoni pizza, and their green beans are also very pleasant.

I’ll also take this opportunity to post a couple things I missed on here. The fiancée and I were up in California’s Central Coast looking at wedding venues (didn’t find the right one there, unfortunately!) But it was nice to role play Sideways for a weekend, and I did make a few journal-style comics.

Okay that’s it for now, I’m going to post more frequently on here, I promise this time. I‘be been rushing to get a Halloween merch collection ready before I leave town for ArtBubble Festival in Denmark and New York Comic Con! More on that soon, I’m sure.

I’m live-drawing the Emmys tonight, after a lengthy lapse in Substack posts! Coming back with a bang. Live-draw starts whenever the show starts, I’ll be updating this post with timestamps! See you later!

In the meantime, here’s me posing with someone else’s Emmy in a Hollywood bathroom.

7:59pm

This is related to a video I posted on IG

7:52pm

Nice of them to dress up.

7:35pm

How much longer do we think this goes on for?

7:25pm

In Memoriam with Lainey Wilson and mumblin’ Vince Gill.

7:05pm

I don’t know who Lainey Wilson is and I don’t need to see her various cowboy hats.

6:46pm

Who is directing this thing?

6:39pm

I live Stephen Graham and I’m glad Adolescence is winning everything.

6:14pm

The dogs have stopped barking. But that in and of itself is distracting.

6:05pm

Elizabeth Banks just listed her résumé as a category intro?

5:52pm

I’ve seen lots of Cowboy hats but has everyone had this accent??

5:40pm

Reba Mcintyre’s long, silent walk from the golden girls set to the other microphone.

5:30pm

Fucking dogs man, Jesus

5:25pm

Now I can’t hear over the rattling of Jenna Ortega’s dress.

5:18 pm

Nate Bargatze was saying something about the Boys and Girls Club but something set the dogs off again.

5:08 pm

Show just started but i can’t hear shit because the dogs are both barking.

So they redesigned the Cracker Barrel logo recently and conservatives are upset. This is after weeks of laughing at the “Loony Lefts” rather mild reaction to Sydney Sweeney’s eugenics jeans ad. We just kinda made a few jokes. I don’t want to overstate the Right’s reaction to the new logo, it’s not a huge story, but I’m pretty sure government officials have addressed it. Look at this guy!

I’ve never eaten at a Cracker Barrel. Don’t mistake me; I’m not above beige food, but it does seem like there’s a bad vibe there. I also feel like they are only located in areas that tornadoes might hit. And the new logo isn’t great! But also who cares? Me, I guess; I made a cartoon about it.

Hi, I’m back and updating my Substack! I’ve been busy trying to hit an Instagram Reels quota that’s harder than it sounds (I don’t have that many ideas for little videos.)

Pop Noir (you remember, my band that I mention every so often in an attempt to get my Substack subscribers to come to a bar or venue, usually in one of the scarier parts of Los Angeles) is playing a show this Friday at Harvard & Stone in East Hollywood. It’s free and you should come. I’ll attach the flyer just in case.

I also did this cartoon about a duck’s butthole, or cloaca.

The Dracula looks a little bit like a My Dad Is Dracula but this is not a MDID cartoon. Although I love his work and he is a nice dude. He just happens to draw a Dracula who fits perfectly in a duck’s butthole, so if anyone puts Dracula in said butthole, it’s gonna look like MDID. Glad that’s cleared up.

Here’s a cartoon about dinner parties and Scooby Doo, classic New Yorker fare!

More importantly I went to see Weapons tonight. No spoilers! But we did accidentally buy 4DX tickets, which meant we were getting thrown around and sprayed with water and jets of air. A very stressful way to watch a movie!

Go see Weapons, but maybe not in 4DX.